Ring Candels – When Robin (not her real name) was a girl, she had been swept up from the sweeping romance of her favorite fairy tales.
As an adult, Robin was a wonderful deal more functional, but she still gasped and felt her eyes tearing up when her long-time boyfriend suggested. Deep inside, but she felt her heart sink. Not because her boyfriend was the wrong man – far from it – she was hoping he would suggest for some time.
No, the problem was not the proposal.
It was the ring.
While the ring was lovely, it simply didn’t match her style.
She tried to talk herself into loving it; after all it was selected, probably after much careful deliberation, from the man she wanted to spend her life with. Certainly the easy truth that he had put effort into choosing it for her should have been sufficient to make her heart beat faster when she looked at it. Try as she would, however, she simply couldn’t eliminate that internal wince every time somebody remarked upon it, and she held back her true feelings.
When many couples reach a point in their relationships once they acknowledge that future ring purchases are probably and go shopping with each other, eliminating any doubt as to which engagement and wedding rings are favored, some women, like Robin, prefer to be surprised. The romantic notion of the sudden proposal appeals to these, and there is no reason it should not. Together with the surprise proposal, however, comes the risk that the groom in question will fail to comprehend the stylistic differences between the ring he’s chosen and the general aesthetic preferences of his sweetheart.
If the engagement ring on your finger makes you cringe each time you take a look at it, then you can not just stew about it. Starting a marriage on a basis of disappointment and resentment is a recipe for failure. Listed below are a few tips for tackling the situation diplomatically, getting the ring you truly desire, and beginning your marriage on the right foot.
1. DON’T inform him throughout the proposal.
Remember, he has been planning this proposal for some time, probably with a sensible amount of anxiety, and he obviously thinks you’re likely to love the ring he has picked out to you. The last thing you need to do is ruin the mood and crush his confidence by telling him the ring all wrong. Take at least a couple of days to celebrate your engagement and reassure him that you’re 100 percent over the moon about preparing to spend your life with him.
2. DO figure out why the ring is not the right fit for you.
Just blurting out that you hate your engagement ring or telling him that it’s not the ring you wanted is a superb way to hurt his feelings and maybe begin a battle. Rather, consider what you do and do not enjoy about the ring. Perhaps the atmosphere is beautiful, but rose gold does not match your skin color. The more specific you can be on what’s wrong with the ring, the more easily it is possible to find out what minor alterations could be forced to turn it into a ring you’ll love.
3. DON’T inform him you want an entirely new ring.
If possible, the objective must be to make a compromise working with the original ring as a foundation; replacing it with an entire new ring will feel as a much greater rejection to your beloved. Furthermore, he’s probably already spent a great chunk of his budget to the ring that he selected; you do not wish to place him into a more awkward place, emotionally or financially, than necessary.
4. DO begin the conversation with the elements you love.
If you broach the subject, begin with what you love about the ring and how much you really love the thought he put into choosing it to you. Whether there are elements you know he selected because you have worn things like them before, give him credit for noticing. Bring up the adjustments you’d love to make not as approaches to fix a mistake, but as strategies to boost something that’s already good.
5. DON’T respond defensively if his feelings are hurt.
While it’s understandable that you’d rather use an engagement ring which matches your style, ultimately it’s not the ring you’re marrying. If you lightly suggest minor alterations to your ring, and he responds with surprise and hurt feelings, do not bring up the fact that you believed he knew you well enough to pick something you’d enjoy and ask why he did not at least check with your very best friend or your sister before making his buy. Instead inquire what elements of the ring that he likes and how he chose it out. Try to see the ring through his eyes. Perhaps he picked it to get a profoundly personal reason that simply has not happened to you.
If you have been presented an engagement ring which does not fit you, the most crucial thing to keep in mind is that your fiancé picked that specific style, design, rock, placing and band for a reason. He chose that ring since he believed you would love it, so it’s likely to come as a surprise to him that he overlooked something. Be as receptive to listening as you are to speaking, and seek compromise.